03 / 17 / 2024 @ 10:32 PM

Another Sparse Update

Once again, I finally update my webiste after half a year of radio silence. I think it's a pattern, at this point.

Like before, not a ton has happened. Just a lot of small things. Because of that, I'm using the bullet points like I did last time.

• The world is moving so fast. I can't keep up with it.
• Not like I'm gonna write about it too much, but I've definitely picked up some new skills and made some new friends in the past half a year. I'm not sure how I feel about leaving it all behind.
• I've been playing through the Devil May Cry series. It's honestly a blast! I'm currently on 4... It's not bad, but urrrghhh I don't understand Nero's combat and my stylish rankings show it T-T I really liked 3 though, and I've heard a lot of good things about 5.
• I'm making a lot of art recently. This is partly because I'm inspired, partly because I'm panicking about how I need to have for an upcoming gallery sorta deal. I guess they go hand in hand. I'll probably design a digital gallery for this site at some point, but I'm not sure how I'll go about uploading the art itself...
• Speaking of art, I did actually make a social media account on a single site to see and share more of it... but I'm not telling! >:) I used to use it a lot more a couple of years ago, but I've restricted myself pretty heavily since I've gotten back. The idea is that I don't waste too much time on it. I'd say it's working.
• I've made some progress on writing my fictional story... but not nearly enough considering how much time has passed. I'm going to be making a page dedicated to sharing it in addition to the rest of my writing; maybe that'll encourage me to work more efficiently? I jot down a lot of stuff, at least. Some work is better than nothing.
• I might be getting a personal laptop at some point, which would be really nice. It would definitely help me work on my site a lot more.

This is less specific than the last one, I know. I think it's because more time has passed. It's both less and more than it feels like it is.

That's all from me for now. I hope to write again relatively soon.

09 / 16 / 2023 @ ?:??

Real Quick Ramble

So I have nothing actually refined to say, just a bunch if random thoughts to jot down. Here they are:

• I'm not sure why, but I'm really looking forward to Lies of P. I know a bunch of people said stuff like "this is gonna be a lame Bloodborne knock-off with a stupid concept", but I really loved it when I played it! Plus, I'm cool with liking stuff people are going to think is dumb, so not my problem. I am cringe, but I am free :P
• FALL IS COMING HALLOWEEN IS COMING HHHAAAAHAHAHA LETS GO
• I'm playing a lot of Ever Crisis lately. It's honestly alright, despite being a gacha game made by the same company(?) who made NieR Re[IN]carnation, which was pretty lame. It's still kind of grindy, which sucks, but I do like the new content, and the gameplay is okay for what it is.
• My gender presentation is confusing some shitty bigoted teenagers I know. Not the biggest win, but like...
• I am going to strangle the physical personification of the College Board.
• I am learning a lot about movies and how they work lately, which brings me much joy. I also have more time to work on my art and fictional world. A lot of what I do is worldbuilding which is unlikely to be touched upon in my story whenever I get around to making it, but I enjoy the process of building lore and history.

Well, there you have some of the things floating around in my head. Nothing too deep, clearly (^ ^);

I hope you have a beautiful day :)

07 / 19 / 2023 @ ?:??

2-Minute Hyperfixations

I don't really like bothering the people I know about what I'm really into at the moment, so I'm writing about it here.

As the title implies, this isn't about things I've maintained long term interest in, like NieR, nor is it about recent hyperfixations that have lasted a few months, like my unfortunate ongoing Jerma era. These are small things that I get interested in for a few weeks before inevitable dropping.

Right now, I'm sort of into Frutiger Aero. If you don't know what that is, and you don't want to search it up, it's basically the style that was common around the mid 2000s to early 2010s in graphic design. Think Windows 7 or the Wii.

It's really corny, kinda ugly, and heavily filtered through nostalgia lenses, but like.. you have to admit, there's a charm to this:

When I get access to a proper computer again, I'm thinking of designing a mock-up of a desktop in this style. Might be fun.

Speaking of art, I also found Valve's Dota 2 character design guide.

GODDAMNIT, IT'S SO GOOD.

It's my current Bible. All the info in it is a wonderful write-up that I'm currently trying to practice and utilize in my own work. My first attempt at using it can be seen in my little fanmade Mr. Green design:

(If you don't know who he is, go search it up. Now. Some of the funniest stuff I've seen in ages.)

I think I'll keep using it, just not as obsessively as I do at this point in time.

...

I'm not sure how to close this one off. Have a good day, I guess :P

07 / 18 / 2023 @ ?:??

Time

I would try to be eloquent here, but I'm not entirely sure how to represent my feelings without either sounding detached and overwrought, so I'll just write something quick in the manner I would talk to someone in, even at the risk of sounding like I'm spewing stoner pseudo-philosophy:

Good lord, time is scaring me.

I'm not old by any means, contrary to what my name might imply, but I'm old enough by now to have the pressures of time sinking in -- and I'm failing to keep up with it.

I should get a job. I should do research and write applications. I should spend more time with my family, seeing how they're growing up (or growing old) quickly.

Hell, I'm technically an ADULT in a few months' time. I don't even know where to begin with thinking or acting like one.

I know, I know, a lot of people say you aren't truly an adult until you're 26 or 27, but that has its own issue: I struggle to even imagine myself living that long.

Now, anyone pulls up the hotline, I don't mean this in a morbid way. What I mean is that I cannot fathom what it would be like to be that age, nor can I realistically imagine where I would be or what I would be doing.

Would I be the same strange creature, for better or for worse?

I don't know. I can't know. (I'm not sure if I would want to, with where the world is going.)

I hope that, wherever the path leads, it's not somewhere all that bad.

05 / 07 / 2023 @ ?:??

Exams

I, being a sane, rational human creature, detest tests.

This isn't a hot take. Not even lukewarm. It's colder than the deepest bowels of Hell itself.

I wish I had something meaningful to say about it, such as a reflection on why the education system of teaching for tests is awful, or a sharing of my personal experience with exams, but I really don't. I'm doing it entirely because this is how I'm feeling at this moment.

They happen all the time, and I complain about every single one of them. Except, this case is special. I have some bigger things coming up, so I'm not just complaining to friends or family this time: I'm going to complain to the internet.

The stuff I have to do is a lot of essay writing. Normally, this would be great! I like writing, despite the fact that it takes me hours of scratching my head and scouring the barren lands of my mind to generate something, but I typically get good feedback once all is said and done. Problem is, I don't get that luxury; it's all timed. Plus, it's a short time frame, it's all in pen, and I'll probably be both stressed and mentally fried.

There's also not a whole lot I can do to prepare either, besides obessessively read the same notes that I know won't help me yet again. Maybe I'll make a plea to Sprax or something. He's not a god, per se, but I'll take anything at this point.

Anyway. Hopefully things will go okay, and I'm hoping I'll at least pass. If you yourself have any exams or whatnot (or anything going on, really), best of luck and good wishes to you.

03 / 25 / 2023 @ ?:??

Thoughts on Writing

For whatever reason, unfortunately, I get easily embarassed when sharing my writing.

The act putting my writing out into the world itself isn't frightening, but rather, the thought of someone not just reading it, but responding to it and having feelings surrounding it is, honestly, kind of terrifying.

"Well, that's rather silly," you might say. "If you want to be any kind of writer, don't you haveto share what you make?"

...And to your remarks, my friend, I would vehemently agree. I do wish to share my ideas in some capacity, and I hope that whatever I make might be well-recieved, yet paradoxically, having someone read what I make makes me feel sick to my stomach. When I share something with someone, especially something that is in any way a reflection of me or what I like, I can only fixate on how horrible it was that I shared it, and that I must have done something terribly wrong. To put it simply, it's not an enjoyable state of mind.

Even with my progress in other areas where I'm nervous, I still find myself struggling here. I hope that putting things on my Neocities page might help me overcome this fear, or if not, that it will at least serve as a way of me "publishing" in a manner that doesn't make me too nervous.